It's a weird feeling with school's end approaching. Soon everything will be over, all of the wonders of seeing friends at school or even meeting new people and all of the unfortunate personal crises that I seemed to find myself in. This year I got some of the best teachers that have both taught and inspired me, which was a lot more than what I was expecting in the first place. I somehow managed to face challenges that I didn't think I would every have to and somehow, I was actually able to deal with them. At the time I of course thought that I had no idea what I was doing, most of the time I'm still not sure. But it was just odd. That's really all I can say about this year. I can say that it was challenging because it was or that I made more friends which is true or even that I decided to take on a project that I honestly am very afraid to begin because I don't want to fail. But in all honesty, it just breaks down to it was odd.
To start (and I will attempt to fit my entire year in one post), this year I didn't want to make any senior friends because they would leave me, and I thought it was just too sad for me. Unfortunately, I seemed to have made exclusively senior friends this year, and I am so sad to see them go. I may not have known them for very long, but I would have honestly enjoyed more time with them. And then I wanted to try to become a little more social because the whole locked up in my room all weekend was getting rather tiresome, so I just tried to be more social and hang out with people. Though that may have worked, it seemed to only happen at the end of the year which I would have liked it to be a little more consistent. And then on top of that, there are some people who I would have loved to hang out with, but never seemed to be free. And then on top of that I felt almost left out of the loop in my friend group (not that I wasn't before). This year I felt more isolated which was not an entirely new experience, but one I would not enjoy to feel again. So many things had happened this year that I can't fit it in a single blog post nor do I really want to. Overall the whole point was: my life had taken a drastic turn this year and I'm still deciding whether or not it's for the worse.
To try to elaborate, I pretty much planned out this year and the next and what career I wanted. I knew all my AP classes for next year: Government, Physics B, and Statistics. And I knew that I wanted to go into Biomedical Engineering. And I knew that I wanted a Ph.D. And I knew that I was going to get good grades and go to a good college. However, you can't plan out your life exactly, no matter how hard you try.
So I honestly don't know what's going to happen to me anymore. I'm not sure about a career. I only recently decided on APs (they are similar, but I'm taking Chemistry instead of Physics). I somehow fit in a College and Career Center Ambassador (I'm still not sure how I got it), and I got an internship (pretty exciting if I may say so). And everything seems to be on track, but it's not the track that I set. Now I'm wondering if anything I wanted previously is even going to come true. Who knows maybe in the future I'll just abandon engineering and work on animation. Or maybe I'll do something completely different. I came into Junior year thinking I knew everything that I wanted. I was so sure of myself too. Now coming out, I honestly just want to live for tomorrow and never want to look ahead. With college around the corner though, I feel like I have to decide now and be stuck in the system for the rest of my life. (Maybe I'll just become a teacher. I don't know.)
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